In a world that defines your happiness by a significant other, singleness is often seen as a cursed disease by many. Strange enough, the reality of the world today consists of single people hoping to be married and married people wishing to be single. And if you dare to look beyond the two way glass of illusions, you will find truly happy couples and truly happy single people. When it comes to singleness, some have chosen celibacy for the sake of their purpose and others have embraced singleness temporarily until their purpose aligns them to their future partner. It’s no use finding a life partner only to have found purpose afterwards and it doesn’t harmonize with your spouse. That leads to a miserable and unbearable marriage, filled with arguments derived from consistencies.
One should not rush into marriage or into a relationship, the world out there isn’t a bed of roses. So do your best to avoid the thorns. The tragedy of our era is that people don’t know how to love, they haven’t been taught how to and not many are searching for the syllabus. Love is not easy and many have conformed to an easy form of lust that instills selfishness in the hearts of individuals. This is the reason why abuse is so prominent today, gender violence and femicide is rampant in a culture that doesn’t know how to love. According to statssa.gov.za, 25326 divorces were recorded in South Africa in 2016, 44.4% of those divorces occurred in marriages that didn’t even last 10 years.
Marriage cannot be used as an escape from singleness, if we don’t prepare the foundation of relationships effectively, we might revisit it again with much more pain than we had at first…
It is staggering how many single parents there are in South Africa, 80% of single parents are mothers according to singlemotherguide.com. It is sad that we live in a time where fathers seem to be absent, and children grow up feeling unloved. As much as we may seem to ignore its impact, a child without a father or a mother can grow up with many side effects in their psychology. Rejection is one of the first attacks on a child’s mind and that is only the beginning.
Many relations have unfortunately ended because of abuse and marital unfaithfulness. At the romance period, everything may seem lovey-dovey but once things become clearer in a relationship, individals tend to show who they really are. I have spoken to many women who have been abused and betrayed, resulting in divorce. It breaks my heart how good godly women were dealt with such a dirty card in life but unfortunately that is the world we live in. There are good men out there but there are also the narcissistic kind that controls and manipulates for the sake of sadistic pleasure.
So with all this statistics thrown around, what am I saying? I’m in no way discouraging marriages and relationships, but I am warning people to think clearly before embarking on one. Don’t enter into a relationship without godly guidance and direction. Don’t be quick to rush into someones arms, neither be quick to kiss them. For very soon, souls begin to entangle with each other to the point that the knot is extremely difficult to untie. Weigh the odds, calculate the costs and never involve yourself with someone you don’t want to be with. Sometimes your gut might warn you of red flags, heed the warnings! Don’t be led by your emotions, because even that will change one day.
Singleness is something you don’t want to get back to. Once it is gone, to adjust your life back to it will be extremely difficult and painful. So when you make your transition, make sure that you choose someone who is godly and consistent. Don’t chase after someone who has good looks or knows how to play the game. A player can easily play you and a good looking guy can easily hurt you. I’m not saying they shouldn’t be attractive, but they should have godly substance. You want your marriage to be extravangant, not your wedding…
So think and pray, rationalize and prepare before entering a relationship, and you won’t face the time unnecessary pain. A marriage is about God, not yourself. It’s two godly individuals chasing after God with a common purpose.