To start of with this topic, I would like to say that I am entirely inexperienced to write about this. I actually feel like I’m doing something illegal as it is not in my alley. I’m single but I just want to write this so that one day if I am married, I can come back to see what I have written. I wonder what I will say, maybe; “Kristian, you really had no idea!”
I know a lot of people have been married recently and I know there’s some who will be married in the near future. There’s a point I want to bring across here and I hope you understand it. I’m no expert and you can disagree, let me know what your opinions are in the comment section at the bottom.
What is marriage? According to Google, it is;
The legally or formally recognized union of man and woman as partners in a personal relationship…
That means that if anything else is done, it is illegal. Fornication is illegal and so is divorce. So wait till marriage before you do anything intimate, and once you are married, there’s no going back!
The strange thing is that we see couples so in love with each other, they always smile at each other and every glance is a blush. How blissful is this wonder! And you get the buzz kill guy saying; “Just wait till they get married!”
Years later, those same two people who couldn’t live without each other now can’t live with each other. They complain, complain and complain. They don’t compliment each other, they don’t say; “I love you” anymore.
The man complains to his friends about his wife and the woman complains about her husband to her friends. Somebody just tell me what the heck just happened!
The true lesson of love comes after marriage and so does the true test of love.
When a couple have a child, this is where things start to get real. Think about it! You have a child, you have to look after this child. This is your child. Feed, clean, clothe, look after and care for. Can the child give you anything back? No it cannot, but you still raise the child because you love your child unconditionally. A lot of people don’t see the lesson in marriage. That child grows up and becomes a teenager and treats you with disrespect, has attitude and can annoy you to the core, do you stop caring? Why? Because love is unconditional. How much more should we love our partners, the ones who we ourselves have chosen?
You may say; “But Kristian, you haven’t been married so you don’t know what it’s like!” That’s true, but remember, you made a commitment. No one forced you to. You did it on your own will. You enjoyed the company and the honeymoon and now when things get rough, you don’t want to live up to the very words of commitment that changed your life?
Love isn’t something you fall into, love is something you commit to. It’s constant through the good and bad times. It cannot be based on feelings, conditions, circumstances or differences.
I have been to many weddings, I hate it when an old aunty grabs the microphone and says; “Marriage is about compromise.” I grit my teeth every time I hear that because it’s not about compromise, it’s about commitment.
I read a book recently by Dave Willis, Seven Laws of Love, in this book the author had done extreme research of Biblical scriptures to explain the laws of love. I recommend this book whether you are single or married. In this book, he spoke of a couple who loved each other very much. They were old but they looked at each other like their were still teenagers in love. They went on their first date on the 17th of March, a month later, on the 17th of April, he gave her a rose as an anniversary gift. A month later, he bought her another rose. He repeated this action every month for 55 years, giving her a total of 648 roses! I’m not saying that you must buy a rose every month, I’m going to do that now so don’t copy me!
It’s not about the roses! It’s not about the stuff! It’s about the thoughtfulness! That’s what makes it the difference! There’s a marriage counsellor who spends 45 minutes with a couple and can tell how long the marriage will last. How? He notices the attentiveness of the couple.
You will always love what you show most attention to, and you will always show attention to what you love the most…
So remember, you are not in competition with your spouse, it is a union. Just because you are a match doesn’t mean there must be a match between you and them. Work together, not against. Some people are already divorced before they even sign the papers! When you realise that marriage is working with each other to fight against anything that might break it apart, you and your partner will be inseparable.
Some think that love is a rose blossoming at the right soil and environment but in reality, it is a cactus in the desert thriving even in the most hostile conditions.
Pride is the number one killer of relationships. Pride is an assassin sent from the devil to annihilate marriages and relationships. The problem begins when we try to be better than the other instead of being one with them. If Christ is in the centre of the relationship, you can be assured that it will last. You will definitely have your ups and downs, no doubt, but you will overcome them all because Christ is in the marriage. It’s not going to be all blissful hunky-dory without any problems.
You have to keep the fire burning. You can’t expect to have a relationship if you don’t maintain it. The most important investment in your marriage would be your time. If you not going to spend most of your time with your spouse, don’t waste anymore of your time getting married. It’s not going to work!
If you don’t build on your marriage, you are tearing it apart.
Watch the power of your tongue. If you speak negatively about your partner whether in person or behind their backs, you are bound to create a rift between the two of you. Most of the time, a spouse will fall in love with the person they confide in about their partners. They will compare and of course, a stranger will appear to be more caring and loving, reason is, you don’t really know that person that well. This is how affairs begin!
Do not express the intimate details of your marriage to anyone. Marriage is a holy covenant that must not be mocked with friends or colleagues. Those precious moments with your spouse must be treasured and not spurned to be trampled by others.
Don’t rush into marriage because all your friends are doing it. Don’t do it because it will improve your status. Don’t do it because you are lonely or bored. Marriage isn’t about receiving love, it’s about giving it.